A shower but drain still in...

go figure. I am past understanding at this point, back tomorrow for drain out?!

Fluid Trivia

Just by looking at a carrot, you wouldn't think 90 percent of it was water. It is. It is even waterier than the angle worm at 80 percent.

And no, fluid is not trivial in my life yet. I have to go to SF to get drained again tomorrow. Sounds vaguely vampire-like, but not in any way sexy. (Yes, some people think the whole vampire thing is sexy)

P.S.
I don't regret any part of my decision, but this process bites!

Poetry is where I go when it gets kinda rough. It's been kinda rough.

Sweet Darkness

When your eyes are tired
the world is tired also.

When your vision has gone
no part of the world can find you.

Time to go into the dark
where the night has eyes
to recognize its own.

There you can be sure
you are not beyond love.

The dark will be your womb
tonight.

The night will give you a horizon
further than you can see.

You must learn one thing,
The world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and
the sweet confinement of your
aloneness to learn

anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive

is too small for you.


by David Whyte
From "The House of Belonging"

Passing time, holding court & receiving serenades

The nice thing about holding court at home (because I am still holding fluid) is my lovely and talented friends and family come by to entertain me. Sometimes with their children. A couple of days ago I was treated to a visit by my friends lovely 20 year old daughter home from college and fresh from globe trotting. Just this hour I was serenaded by another friends 9 year daughter who belting out "memories".

I am pretty sure if all things were equal these visits would not have been apart of my week. There is something special about watching kids grow up.

Not to mention my own kid who has been a peach and serenades daily and nightly songs he has written and plays from the piano and acoustic guitar.

All in all not bad way to pass time but still I am ready for the next phase...

humm what to update, well no shower yet.

I continue to heal great. And feel kinda ready to be active, well you know sort of. But the fluid problem continues. I am a fluid rich girl. Tim took me into SF again today and again the great disgusting draining process was performed- but this time I felt better. And I promised to wear my corset all the time. NO lapses. So we will see. The Doc was great and said she would be "on call" for me as soon as I could get the out put level down she would meet us wherever she was working that day and take out my last drain. I don't even hazard to guess anymore when that might happen. Maybe Friday.

Also I am way fortunate that my friend Shell is generously continuing her hair washing services as clean hair goes a way LONG way. Thanks Shell!

I keep feeling better though, and my abdominal muscles feel remarkably normal. I can't wait to ride my bike and drive a car and be autonomous . That said, I couldn't be luckier for the care and feeding I have been treated to by my family and friends. And Tim. I don't even know what to say to you, you have been there, on call 3:00 am - 12:30 am. You have been exactly right.

Not to worry- Tim has conveyed that my last post made no sense at all

and then he gave me that look. It's not the first time Tim or any one else has given me "that look" and I am very sure it won't be the last.

At the risk of attempting to breathe life into a groaner- the "joke" involved a late 80's reference from Johnny Carson, when Carnac the Magnificent was asked what was the day before the hostage's were taken in Iran. Day Oh, Daaaay Ohhhh.

Okay writing that now, even I can see it was obscure.

All progress is as it should be body-wise. Friday was a pretty good day and I will hope for more of same over the weekend.

love, love Nancy

Day O or is it Day Oh?

Well the news from SF is it's a no go for removing the remaining drain and the "corset". That also means no shower. Maybe monday?

Let's see, counting from today Monday will be Day 4, counting from the day before surgery Monday would be Day 1, 2, 3 ... Oh My God!

Sweet Oreo center's, corsets, and the best joke I heard today.

Apparently it is not obvious to all that that is an Oreo cookie I am proudly displaying in the photo. Therefore, the eat the sweet creamy center first metaphor stuff might have been lost on some of y'all.

Not to worry I am looped on Percacet and sound like this all day long. (Even more than usual.)

Okay I can see why women left the whole corset idea behind in favor of comfort as well as women's lib. This new "corset" I am wearing day and night to keep the draining manageable may off-set my girlish figure nicely but it blows.

The Joke:
The Defense Department briefed the President this morning.

They told Bush that 2 Brazilian solders were killed in Iraq.

To everyone's amazement, all the color drained from Bush's face, then he
collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.

Finally, he composed himself and asked, "Just exactly how many is a
Brazilian?"

The dreaded double lower lip.

When our son and his best friend were younger, 7-8ish and they wanted something, they would both push out their lower lips at the presentation of a request. They felt that the dreaded double lower lip would make us more sympathetic to their request in advance. It worked, nearly every time.

Yesterday felt like the dreaded double lower lip looked.
Oh ya and we didn't pass out, that's the best thing I can say about the day.

Today is maybe a single lower lip day.

It turns I am not draining as well as would be best, so yesterday the Doc pulled a bunch of fluid out of me in her office in SF right in front of Tim and me and our amazed eyes.

Today more slow yuckines, then back to the SF doc on Thurs, and then..

A SHOWER.

Do I hear angels singing?

That hospital smell is NOT me, ok maybe a little....

My friend Shell washed my hair for me today in her shop. Lowered me down nice as you please to the basin in her salon and back up. No discomfort! What a gift. Clean hair after 7 days - and no, it is nothing like camping.

How to leave a comment - the low down

OK, are you ready? See the little note at the bottom of the post that says 0 or 1 or 3 or X comments? Click on that. Then a page will come up that shows comments others have posted, but ALSO a white box that says "Leave your comment." Type into that box whatever comment you want to make, then hit the "publish your comment" button at the bottom. Voila! you are done.

- (Bet, posing as Nance)

Day 1 home- I slept 10 hours!

Thanks for your good thoughts, and emails. I know some of you are having a difficult time posting and want better instructions. I am getting your email wishes though so not to worry. I will have a smarter person than I or maybe just someone on less Percocet than I respond with clearer post instructions soon.

Speaking of Prcocet I am backing off quite a bit and am glad to do so as I enjoy thinking.

Also, the "broken arms" thing isn't anywhere as intense as I feared. No washing my hair and stuff but propelling my self and typing until I tire seems to be OK. All pretty manageable I am pleased to report.

Love N

Life outside the box.

Home. Hmmmmmmm. That is the sound of a purring house nance.

How does if feel?
Last night it was my idea to mark the day, the change of circumstance and the future with a champagne toast!
My first sip of champagne in 17 years, also my last.
But yah it's like that.

love, love, Nancy

Why does it smell like hospital at home? Uhh...it's you

It was hell getting Nancy home today. Not surprising. There is a business to be created: design a vehicle with super soft suspesion , big balloon tires, and nothing but pillows on the inside- so any body position can be acheived. An ambulance light on top and a quiet police escort. A great rental income!

Friday/summer get-out-of-San Francisco-to-Santa Rosa (50 milies) in only 2 hours. Yikes.
But Nancy is home and has only two drains to deal with - small miracle. We'll head back to the doc on Monday for a check-up. Betty and Nancy had their best night, last night. Grandma Linda (Nancy's Mom) fed and watched over Wiley and Tyler the last couple of nights. Donna (sister) will be here for the weekend. Esther will also be part of the food crew this weekend.

Thank you all for your thoughts and comments in the blogasphere.

Rollercoaster Room, we will not miss you!

BURN ALL THE FILMS

What this is all about. Yeah, the tummy tuck that goes with breast reconstuction is nice and all... but it's hard to imagine anything topping the surgeon comming into the rollercoaster room, handing the pathology report to Nancy and saying all the tissue is CLEAN! " You can frame this report, and burn the films if you like". HELL YES!
I quickly imaged stacking all the years of momogrames, x-rays, MRI's, biopsis, diagrams, letters, folders, emails and pathology reports into a wobbling 6 foot tower - perhaps adding a little karosene, and torching it. Then just standing close in the heat of all that fear and swearing at it until it was ash. Add more karosene and burn it again.

Layers.

Turns out one can hold one's breath longer than one thinks.

Dr. Grissom gave us this amazing news at 12:20. It's been easier to breath since.

Nancy decided not to go home today. Seems a shame to leave the rollercoaster room so soon. I'll check her out tomorrow The baggage already seems lighter. Betty has been the overnight stormtrooper, thank God. She'll be back at it tonight.

Thank you all for your love thoughts.

Tim

Old lady in a brand new 20-year old's body

Maybe it's always true in the morning that the last 24 hours in a hospital have been hard (nights are so rarely easy there!) -- but these last 24 hours have been HARD ones for Nance. Yesterday morning, under Reb's care, she must have had the hardest 3 hours yet, with her surgeon doing procedures, flower deliveries arriving, housekeeping coming and going, nurses' visits, Tim and the boys due any minute, pain and general mayhem. Yes, she's now unplugged, a very happy thing, but it doesn't make moving about easy -- just possible. Still exhausting.

The promise of getting to go home today on Wednesday definitely provided a bright beacon of future pleasure through a fine afternoon with Donna, though the pain is taking constant attention to medication to stay managed. Last night the challenges of getting in and out of bed, manuevering (sp?) to the bathroom, linen management, etc, all became a more real and daunting thing, and she's spent some time this morning figuring out what it might take to make that work at home (besides lots of help from Tim and mom Linda!), as well as putting a call in to the surgeon's office to see if she'd be better off staying put one more day. So very many logistics to consider.

I am perhaps not proud of this, but I do have to say that last night had me in nearly uncontrollable laughter as Nance made fun of her pseudo-old lady self in her new (proclaimed by Reb) 20-year old's body, hobbling to the bathroom in her gaping hospital gown, pain pump in a fanny pack slung over her shoulder, with her hair pulled bun-like on the top of her head, glasses a bit askew. It was a sight.

Tim will probably post a bit later today with the news of whether it's off to Santa Rosa today for Nance or not.

NANCY UNPLUGGED! One night only

After a rough start with too many nurses and not enough wisdom between them, Nancy's long day improved. By Noon she was unhooked, unplugged, unimpressed. However, being her resiliant self, she focused on the positive and had much more perspective than I. So now she sleeps her final night in the Rollercoaster Room with the hope of a pain-free night sleep. Nancy unplugged is a much happier animal. Yes her final night with Betty as wingman, yet again. Go Betty!. Rebecca and Donna were the day-team until Betty could get back this evening. I brought Wiley and Tyler down for a short visit and a lunch worthy of the hospital cafeteria reputation. I'll go early in the Morning and nurse-willing, we'll have Nance out of there by 11am.

Good night
Tim

Good night, bad night

Good in that Nance slept! (me, too!) Maybe even 7 hours' worth. Good in that last night I found chicken broth, carnation instant breakfast, & jello - yum! - to help slake the hunger of a woman who's been on a weight-gain campaign for weeks and hasn't quite made the transition yet. (And let's face it: an IV may carry nutrition, but it really isn't very satisfying!)

Bad in that the pain is really settled in, the road out looks long and rough, and Dr. Eskanazi, while she didn't come in last night to stitch up the navel that needs a suture, has yet to arrive this morning. And that the arrival will bring that suture and more potential for pain. Bad in that last night's nurse kept attaching things to Nance's gown directly over incision sites and then arguing that it shouldn't hurt because, after all, she hadn't touched the skin. Bad in that no position can possibly be comfortable. I think it's going to be a hard day for her to be anything but (afraid and) crabby.

She looks forward to seeing who has written in with a Blog comment (I am up on the 3rd floor right now, scamming off a neighbor's internet, just to be able to bring an updated computer back down to her on the first floor -- which seems to be virtually sealed off from the airwaves). Phone calls are a bit tiring and she's been relying on others to field them, so writing in on the blog is really a great way for friends and family to send nonurgent messages her way.

Say hey.

An entire rollercoaster in one small room

"Day 2 is the hardest day". That was one of the first bits of data I learned this morning regarding Nancy's recovery. Jolly!
But it didn't turn out to be bad. So now I wonder if it slides into the next day?
Nance did so great today - learned a lot. New stratagies for many things: pillow propping, water driking, nurse instruction ignoring, morphine quick draw, heating pad folding, and laying back down using your stomach muscles...wait. What!?

Yep, but the first time was the last. Youch! Betty and Mary Jane and Linda and I tag-teamed it again. Nancy should be asleep by now on her side - which is heaven.

We'll do it all again Wednesday.

Good night


Tim

Shhhhhhhh!

"Stop answering her!"

This was the advice of Nicole the nurse at 11:0 pm last night when I related that no, Nancy was still not asleep, the evening of this day of her surgery.

Sure enough, she was doing well enough that she had gotten a second wind later in the evening and much more interested in conferring about all the events and thoughts and interactions of the last 2 days than giving her body the sleep it so desperately needed. Oh, yeah, and adjusting yet again the multiple pillows adjusting various body parts at various elevations, not to mention the up and down of the head and foot of the bed.

She did, under duress, manage a bit of sleep before prompting clothing and dressing change at 1 am by sloshing her cup of water down her gown. She claimed it was an accident, but did allow that it did a nice job of cooling her off at long last. Benadryl provided the extra nudge for the rest of her night.

She looked a bit tired but great this morning, and in wonderful spirits. Enough so to be extra kind to the nurses, including sharing a precious cup of whole leaf Darjeeling tea with her appreciative Indian nurse (whose name I have, alas, forgotten). Ready to look forward to sitting up today, walking a little tomorrow. Doing some gradual uncurling of a body that does not yet know how to lie flat. Getting to know this new body a bit.

It's a good day.

Boy was she hungry

Groggy, cranky, in pain, relieved - hey where's the Doc? Did she come by? Uhhhh, one of them did.
Nancy chewed ice, slept, asked questions, bossed us around a little, slept, couldn't get comfortable, bossed us around
a little more, then got hungry. After she ate just about everything, the surgeon called and said:" Don't eat anything yet". I paraphrase.

She looks remarkably good. The surgery was more than 5 hours but according to both docs went well. Nancy has the morphine button in her hand - so, for the moment, she's fine.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers - more tomorrow

Tim

Surgery DONE!

Nancy's surgeon visited us around 2:20 and reported that everything went fine. Nancy was awake and around 3pm we could visit her. More later

Tim

State of Nancy

10:10 am Good morning.

A note from the Lobby: We probably won't get to see Nancy until 2pm. I'll update when I can.

Tim

So it begins

I am having surgery, Monday, July 9th at CPMC California Campus in SF @ 7:00 AM. It will be a bilateral mastectomy with tram flap reconstruction. Both surgeries will be done at the same time and should take 3-5 hours. The breast and plastic surgeons are Dr. Loren Eskanazi and Dr. Nima Grissom.

Dr. Eskanazi has an informative website http://www.womensplasticsurgery.com/ if one is curious about this sort of thing. (See link list at left for hyperlinks to webpage addresses.)

I have seen great work over the years by Dr Eskanazi, including that of a 60 year old woman I climbed Mt. Fuji with H.L.. I have NEVER seen a woman more happy with her breasts. That work was done by Dr. Eskanazi 12 years ago.

I should be in Hospital about 5 days then home another week with pretend broken arms. No moving the arms! Slow and crappy about 10 weeks- then done. Forever.

A lot of people have asked about food and how they can help. My lovely friend Jennifer Levine has stepped up, and her husband Jay has made a great interactive calendar. You can just log on here to sign up for providing help in the form of a dinner for my family:

------------------------

http://www.pbhs.com/asp_calendar/calendars/lehr/calendar.asp

Instructions:

1. Click "Add Dinner" at the bottom of the calendar
2. Title should have the name of the Donor i.e. " Levine Dinner"
3. Description: please state the type of dinner
4. Location: Leave Blank
5. Select the start date and end date. These should be the same.
6. Enter Time of delivery.
7. Leave End Time Blank
8. Type: Leave Normal
9. Leave all options blank
10. Event Email leave blank.

Hit Submit.

(If you have trouble with the website or ?, e-mail Jennifer at jen@pbhs.com or phone her at: cell 707-332-1212 or H 538-3114.)

Her reminder is to please use containers that don't need to be returned, if possible.

--------------------

Here's some other info that may be of interest:

Map for CPMC California Campus http://www.cpmc.org/visiting/directions/default.html#%3Cb%3ECalifornia%20Campus%3C/b%3E


Some important contact numbers:

First people to call, so Tim doesn't have to handle it all -
my mom, Linda, or Betty, or Deb, depending on who you know best.

Or just check back here as Tim will update the blog throughout the week (and maybe me, too!).

Tim Cell 707-291-2237
Nancy Cell 707-291-2236
Wiley Cell 707-889-2536
Linda Stewart (Nancy's Mom) Cell 707-272-3731
Brad Witherell (Nancy's Dad) 916-716-1170
Brian Witherell (Nancy's Bro) 919-716-1179
Donna Maloney (Nancy's Sistah) 510-828-3082
Betty Andrews (Nancy"s Side Kick) Cell 415-819-9279
Esther Bingham (Tim's Mom) W707 -565-5535 H 707-575-4249
Deb and Steve Bellen ( Tim's Bro and family) H 707-578-5893
[Deb Cell 707-481-5407 Steve cell 707-481-1892]



See you on the other side!